Being okay

>> 11.4.10

How are you supposed to know when you are absolutely, completely okay? Are there meant to be signs that rain down into your life and spark the epiphany? Because honestly...how does it all work?

How does one go about recognising this abstract and complex concept of self-fulfillment?

I feel as though I need the concrete proof to show that I’m okay. I know that being ‘okay’ is but an idea; a projection that you place upon yourself. You are the one that defines how okay you are. You draw your own perimeters and set your own boundaries. When you feel okay, you should instantly know it - a recognition is triggered.

But I feel I keep running back to this very topic. I’m always looking for some sort of external approval. Rather than seeking it from within myself, I look elsewhere in other people. "Tell me please, that I’m okay" - as though I don’t trust my own judgment.

But it’s true, I don’t. I am so subject to change. I am fickle.

Therefore, I don’t trust myself.

Therefore, I never know if I am truly okay.

I’m not satisfied with my own findings and conclusions.
I want an objective point of view when the matter is in actuality, nothing but a subjective truth.

I met all the people I thought I’d never meet. My heart’s been broken, by all the people, who I thought would never break it. I've done all the things I thought I'd never do. And I just want to be okay, dammit.

2 comments:

emmy 4/11/10, 12:54 PM  

sending you my love <3 :(

p.s. I love how your blog template is so simple and clean! I don't know how to use blogger... as you can see from my layouts. They're always pre-made ones... LOL fail.

i could start with my name 4/11/10, 3:57 PM  

haha my blog template was pre-made as well! i just tweaked it around a bit :)

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